they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
