so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
