An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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