i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
