Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
