The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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