i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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