guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
