hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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