You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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