Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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