HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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