..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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