my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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