We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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