he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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