Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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