I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
