take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
