the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
