Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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