I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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