hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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