He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
