i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
