If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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