She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
