that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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