dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
