I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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