when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
