ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
