just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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