Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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