I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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