The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
