this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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