The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
