I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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