The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
