ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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