broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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