just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
