I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
