The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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