my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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