oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
