I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
