My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
