We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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