Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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