Having a random hookup so left but love u
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
