the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
