I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
