I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
