C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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