..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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