Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
