so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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