I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
