what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
