morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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