before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
