Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
