Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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