Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
