did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
