I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
