My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
two words...techno handjob
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
