I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
