I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
