I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you never un-have a 4some
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
