when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
