I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
