If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
