Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
