The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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