nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
