dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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