sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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