I wanna passion pit in your ass
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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